im a monster

I just turned 21 and im already packed up and heading out the door to leave for my next task in the force. Its been 5 years now since i’ve joined the force knowing that im no expert in education, i knew the only way i could help other people was to be in the forces. It all began when i was 16 where i was tormented by the feeling of losing my mother on my 15th birthday. The feeling, the feeling, it was just so unbearable as if there were ants crawling inside my heart and eating the flesh till it was all gone. Each day i wondered where she was, each night i cry myself with her voice within my head, the touch of the wind felt like her soft hands pulling the blanket over my body. How she always whispered in my ears just before i close my eyes and fall asleep. ” You will always be my baby Zaine, always my baby boy.” I am identified as Zaine Coote the boy who everyone use to chit chat about behind my back. No, it wasn’t because of anything i did, its just the fact how i behaved around others how i was just more independent and matured. I only had a few good mates around in high school not any good mates, they’re mates who stuck by me through everything that has happened.We’re like brothers from another mother. On my last year before  i resigned out of high school to join the force, i was suggested to see a psychologist, they asked me whether it was just a one off thing with leaving school. I stuck by with what i said at first ” i am no longer wanting to be in school, i was raised by my mother only and i am the only child, i find no need in education!” My mother taught me that love will come by later in life and helping others in need and fighting for the country is a way of becoming stronger inside. They sat there in shock wondering how can a 15 year old boy be actually going through this it can’t be true!. Sure it may sound like its a myth but no one knows what your going through not unless they walk in your shoes, right?

                   to be continued…….